35 replies to this topic

[Syc]

Ok I want to battle someone. Even though I know im gonna lose Im bored right now. So here's the Stips.

1 Verse
6.5 Bars (13 Lines)
Due by Saturday

Am I even supposed to set the rules?

Edited by PoeticMetal, 08 June 2006 - 10:07 PM.

[XxThugzMansionXx]

thats a good attitude^ lol

[Syc]

Lol yep. Only did that cause I really know im gonna lose.

[Ryan]

I don't think many people will battle until after the tournament. because people willing to battle are in the tournament and Maka and Kain would have to judge and they are organizing the tournament. My guess is you may have to wait a couple of days until round 1 voting ends and then some one will battle.

[Syc]

Ok still good. Will have some time to make up new Lyrics.

[Sergio]

Battle tournament will be done in about a week and a half; then you can probably get someone. Then again, about a week or two after the July tournament will start.

[J.O.B. (Joey)]

lll Battle I guess! Imnot in the tournament ;) No Writing tho :) n since u assume u arent any good Ill be gentle ;)

[Syc]

Oh crap Im getting Really Owned now. Ok well Ill get my Lyrics up in about an hour.


Ill stomp on all you Thugs, like a Wooden Deputy
Your crew and you will die in the front lines Fearing me
You could see the blood pumping up in my Veins
Then you run cause you'll see what I do to you, Let it Rain
Despite the weather this time I'll make you a Souls Bane
Your skills cant compare to mine, Ill escalate you and the Pain
You fall back down, You'll be flying with God's Desires
Wearing a Uniform stating Bi***'s and Ho's for Hire
See those black and blues I made for you, they gonna be on you soon
I stared you in the eye made ya blood stop flowin in your Brain
Like Shock treatment was injected in you , Dont Try to Restrain
Your Already Dead, Unconsience on the Ground, Facedown
That was the end, I believe I should be taking my Crown Now, peace out...

Well theres my Rap. Lets see your J.O.B

Edited by PoeticMetal, 10 June 2006 - 07:05 AM.

[J.O.B. (Joey)]

U Can have Code X, but theres 2 things u shudnt try to botha,
One is My Princess, The other is the Crown representing my Honor!!
U Bringing Drama, to my tank Little fish, Imma Pirana
Speaking of Tank, its fully loaded & Imma Xplode, an let it blow, Its Time ta Bomb ya..
call Yo Mama, Tell her Acquire that black dress, Hire a choir
Call the relatives, Make yo last testiment an will,
Plan a Big Meal cuz Somebody bout ta get killed!
U Like a virgin up in here But Imma treat u like hoe
u just got stucked, got ****ed, Butt plugged, Please don't tell me have u had enough of me? Dont Rush Me!
What is that smell is it is your rotting body, or is yo ***** musky
Little Boy U A Virgin Up N Here, Metal Please Yo Tools Is Rusty!


hmm when I was typing that was 13 lines...??? U want me to fix it??? I see u reading soI didnt wanna change it.

Also whos judging???

Edited by J.O.B. Thu KING!, 10 June 2006 - 02:24 PM.

[Syc]

Nah its alright. Also I dont know. Maka and Kain are busy right now so... I dont know.

[J.O.B. (Joey)]

Bump 4 rating

[J.O.B. (Joey)]

Can someone please judge.....

[Sergio]

Poetic Metal said:

Ill stomp on all you Thugs, like a Wooden Deputy
Your crew and you will die in the front lines Fearing me

The first line isn't really making sense to me, 1 off.

Poetic Metal said:

You could see the blood pumping up in my Veins
Then you run cause you'll see what I do to you, Let it Rain
Despite the weather this time I'll make you a Souls Bane
Your skills cant compare to mine, Ill escalate you and the Pain

Not bad. +.1 for in-rhyme

Poetic Metal said:

You fall back down, You'll be flying with God's Desires
Wearing a Uniform stating Bi***'s and Ho's for Hire

Doesn't really work, :huh: Second line was sort of random, and flying with god's desires? 1pt off.

Poetic Metal said:

See those black and blues I made for you, they gonna be on you soon
I stared you in the eye made ya blood stop flowin in your Brain

+.1 for the in-rhyme, second line is wierd...-1.

Poetic Metal said:

Like Shock treatment was injected in you , Dont Try to Restrain
Your Already Dead, Unconsience on the Ground, Facedown
That was the end, I believe I should be taking my Crown Now, peace out...

I don't believe shock treatment is injected, -1.
+.2 for in-rhymes.

---

Overall, its not bad; but missing alot of coherance and lots of points removed for that.

Score: 6.4 / 10

---

Back with J.O.B's rating momentarily.

[Sergio]

J.O.B said:

U Can have Code X, but theres 2 things u shudnt try to botha,
One is My Princess, The other is the Crown representing my Honor!!

Nice line.

J.O.B said:

U Bringing Drama, to my tank Little fish, Imma Pirana
Speaking of Tank, its fully loaded & Imma Xplode, an let it blow, Its Time ta Bomb ya..
call Yo Mama, Tell her Acquire that black dress, Hire a choir

+.3 in-rhymes. Last line makes no sense, -1.

J.O.B said:

Call the relatives, Make yo last testiment an will,
Plan a Big Meal cuz Somebody bout ta get killed!
U Like a virgin up in here But Imma treat u like hoe

+.3 in-rhymes. Last part of thats missing a rhyme, -1.

J.O.B said:

u just got stucked, got ****ed, Butt plugged, Please don't tell me have u had enough of me? Dont Rush Me!
What is that smell is it is your rotting body, or is yo ***** musky
Little Boy U A Virgin Up N Here, Metal Please Yo Tools Is Rusty!

I will be blunt; the first line blowed. Stucked, ****ed, and butt plugged? All because it rhymes doesn't mean it works. -1.
The virgin line is terrible, and you used it twice; not only that, how do people treat a hoe? They **** them correct? Your going to have sex with him? -1.

---

Overall, its a decent verse...but you have some really big problems making sense of things; it seems you have great in-rhyme skill but outside that you need some work, your a natural at finding rhymes; just do a better job at making sense of them.

Also, please work on the spelling; for that I have to take off another point.

Score: 5.6 / 10, Definately not your best.

---

Your winner: PoeticMetal

[J.O.B. (Joey)]

What...lol no....I have to disagree seriously

call Yo Mama, Tell her Acquire that black dress, Hire a choir

How does that not make sense.. U get a black dress an a choir for the funeral..

Plan a Big Meal cuz Somebody bout ta get killed!
U Like a virgin up in here But Imma treat u like hoe

That line wasnt sposta rhyme.. u see killed has a (!) that line was ending

Like a virgin up in here But Imma treat u like hoe
u just got stucked, got ****ed, Butt plugged, Please don't tell me have u had enough of me? Dont Rush Me!

Thats how I treated him like a hoe! Yes I F*cked him! (Baisically Raped him to be blunt about it)

And also.... I spelled it exactually how I spell. Arent I sposta be real with the freestyle an not change my way of typing or talking or writing to make it proper??? Maka, I gotta disagree with this lol. U seem to be taking points off for everything left n right.Not mybest... No your right on thatcuz I wasnt tryin to make it my best...but come on its not THAT bad
I honest see 3 ...-1's that dont seem right.

Especially the spelling thing..... cuz This ishow I type! I didnt just do it for a battle

Edited by J.O.B. Thu KING!, 14 June 2006 - 12:43 PM.

[Syc]

Hmm. So much for not winning. My Rhyme sucked too. Overall I really knew it wasent gonna be that good. Also thanks for the Rates Maka. One thing I have to disagree with you on Maka.

"call Yo Mama, Tell her Acquire that black dress, Hire a choir "

That part makes sense.

Edited by PoeticMetal, 14 June 2006 - 01:07 PM.

[J.O.B. (Joey)]

thanks Poetic your a good man.....I could accept defeat but taking off for my spelling....?? an for aline that seems to make sense.... Im not goin get into the I f*cked him stuff lol that maybe taking either way I guess altho I meant it like that... but

Like I say different people judge things differently,..... I see this as a little off tho

[Mizery Made]

It wasn't that great.... J.O.B.

[J.O.B. (Joey)]

Never said it was that great... but its not all as bad as that either... Ill say it again... MY spelling is how I spell...N The line made sense lol

I never said this is the greatest rhyme in the world as I said to start with I wasnt goin to give it my all!

[Mizery Made]

Why are you whining about losing? Suck it up & "Give It Your All" next time.

[Syc]

This is gonna turn into a flame war...

[J.O.B. (Joey)]

Boy u guys cant read...Why must I repeat..> I DONT CARE ABOUT WINNING OR LOSING, but some of the callsabout spelling an a line not making sense were bull.. theline made sense..an the spelling is the same in 2,350 posts

Im just sayin those 2 points shouldnt have been removed..if that makes me the winner so be it... but still Thats how I spell.an that line DOES make sense lol

Edited by J.O.B. Thu KING!, 14 June 2006 - 01:56 PM.

[Mizery Made]

Heh, if you'd read the Battle Rating System. It tells you to spell as though you have half a brain.

And seriously, if you don't care if you win or lose, why are you stuck on the fact that you was "Cheated Outta Some Points"? Seriously, just drop it, otherwise your just whining and complaining.

[J.O.B. (Joey)]

Becuz... I was cheated out of points..there should be a rule that states fair play ;)

I been spelling the same in all my battles so U might wanna goback an take a point from each of them since thats a rule ;)

[Mizery Made]

Dude... seriously, just give up. If you want Instant Replay & Challenge Flags, go join the NFL.