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[EndZone]

(WORKING TITLE)

Well, a couple of months ago, i read an essay i did for a class to my father and he loved it and suggested i write a story. He isn't the only one, either. A lot of people that read my work think im a great writer. So, i've been thinking for the past month or so of a story to write and because of my recent obsession with the game Manhunt, i think im gunna write a murder-mystery story. So about half an hour ago, i started writing the story and this is what i have so far.

The setting is 2004. The two towns you'll read are two towns i made up. I know the names you'll read are corny/stupid or whatever, but hey whatever.

Quote

It was a dark and stormy night. The rain was falling fast, hard as needles. Jim ran across the rain-covered street, hoping the newspaper on his head would withstand the rain. He opened the door to the Cliffland Diner and shut the door behind him. Soaking wet and dripping, Jim walked up to the bar and looked up on the wall. It was 10:30 at night. It felt like 1:30 in the morning. Jim just sat on the stool and dumped his head onto the counter, exhausted. "May I help you, sir?" Jim slowly picked his head up and saw her. A waitress, probably 25 years old. "No, I'm fine, thank you." Jim replied. Jim looked up at the TV hanging from the ceiling. The quality was weak and the TV was full of static. He could make out what was playing though. It was the news. Jim heard the reporter but just barely. The reporter said, "Another body was discovered Thursday night, missing its left arm. Officials say there are signs of struggle but the body has not yet been identified. Police are investigating this murder very carefully, as this was the eleventh murder in just two weeks."

Jim couldn't believe it. Sayersville, the town he grew up in, was once a peaceful, welcoming town where the scenery was beautiful and bird chirps were a common thing. Now it has seemingly turned into a ghost town filled with murders every week. "I grew up in that town", Jim thought aloud. "I was raised in that damn town. It was such a great place to be as a kid. What the hell has happened?" The waitress approached him, "I am so sorry. I visitted Sayersville last year and it was a very nice place. But these murder stories have been coming up for a while, at least for the past two months." Jim shook his head. "I'm just wondering what happened. What went wrong? Why are so many murders happening?" Jim looked at the waittress. "What's your name?" He asked. "Claire. Claire Jennings." She responded. "Jim Saint." Jim said. "You know what, I'll take some coffee please." Claire got the coffee ready as Jim talked to her. "You know, Sayersville has been in a real shithole for the past couple of months. These murder stories do come on quite often and they just leave me in disbelief. I just can't imagine a town like Sayersville being overtaken by these murders." "I know." Claire said as she placed the hot cup on the counter.

"I remember my visit to Sayersville last year. I went there to just get away from the problems in my life at the time. I mean, everything was wrong. Cash was running low, there weren't any job openings. Ugh, my whole life was a damn mess." "How did you hear about Sayersville?" Jim asked. "One of the people I used to work with told me about Sayersville. She had just gotten back from Sayersville the week before and she told me it was a great place. The people were nice, the environment was great, the air was refreshing. Everything about it was just splendid. So I went to Sayersville. I enjoyed every minute of that trip. It made me forget about all the troubles in my life." Claire looked at Jim. "Were you born in Sayersville?" Jim responded, "Yeah. I was born there in 1967. My mother tells me it was a snowy day, which is strange, because I was born on July 7th. I have two brothers, Andrew and David. Andrew's 30 now and David's 34. I'm the oldest. We always used to play in the backyard together when we were kids. Man, everyone on our block was friends. School was great. Sayersville was great."

"What made you leave?" Claire asked. "Well, my job required me to leave. I was working at a hardware store. I was getting to know a couple of tools, like the hammer, crowbar and such. The hardware store made a deal to get a bigger building here in Heatsdale and I was very interested in learning more. Plus, I needed the money. So it was a pretty emotional time for me as I had only a week to make a decision, to either stay home or to fly to Heatsdale. My parents were very supportive and they told me that I should just do what my heart felt and no matter what, they'd back me up in my decision. So, I made the decision to fly here. I was only 17 at the time. Then, that decision proved to be a mistake, as three months later, the store went out of business, leaving me without a job. I didn't have enough money to fly back home so I was homeless for a week until I bought a small home for 400 dollars. It was a hell of a deal. The house was a very old house, but at least it was a shelter. I've been here ever since and I still live in the same house."

"So you haven't been to Sayersville ever since you were 17? How old are you now?" Claire asked. "I'm 37 right now. You?" Jim asked. "I turned 26 last month. Life has been pretty hard for me, too. I've been living here for the past 10 years and things aren't that great." Jim finished his coffee and got up. He walked over to the window and looked out. It was still raining hard and the road looked slippery. Jim turned around and noticed he was the only customer there. "Business ain't good for you?" Jim asked. "Not really. You're the fifth customer I've had in five days." "Do you own this diner?" Jim asked. "Well my boss quit two years ago and she offered the position to me and I accepted. Business was booming back then, but not so much now." Claire said. "That's too bad." A man drenched in rain suddenly barged through the door. "Holy shit it's raining out there! God damn. Good evening folks." The man said. The man straighted his hat and took a seat at the bar. "You live here?" Jim asked the man. "What? Ah no. I don't live here. I live about 10 minutes away from here." The man responded. "I didn't mean it like that, I meant you live in Heatsdale?" Jim said. "Oh, yes I do." Claire asked, "Want anything? Coffee? Tea?" The man replied, "Oh no, I'm quite alright. I just wanted to get indoors. It's rainin' like a ***** out there. You kids hear about the latest murder in Sayersville?"

Jim turned around and sat next to the man. "Yes, we have. It was just on the news. What's your name?" The man replied, "Peter Burns is my name, but you can call me Pete. Man, that's like the sixth murder in under two weeks. I just think it's so strange with it being in Sayersville. I always heard that place was so nice." Jim said, "Exactly! That place was like heaven on earth. But suddenly it just takes an ugly turn and turns into this slaughterhouse." "I know, that place was such a nice experience." Clair added. "You know, guys, I was actually planning on heading to Sayersville tonight to see what the hell's going on. Care to join me?" Pete said. Jim looked at the time and said, "It's 11 o'clock at night. I don't know if it's such a good idea to go there now, especially considering how slippery the roads are and how hard it's raining. Plus, it's like a three hour drive. We don't even have a..." Jim is suddenly cut off by Pete. "You kids these days, ya think too much! I may be 61 years old but I'm capable of driving at 11 at night in these conditions. Come on, guys, whatdya say?" Jim looks at Claire. "I.... I don't know. I mean, Jim has a point. It's pretty late and we won't even have a place to stay. And it's not really safe to be driving in weather like this." Clair says. "Young lady, don't you worry. I've driven in these kind of conditions before and did just fine. Besides, we could always stop on the way there. I'm sure we'll run into a hotel or motel. I've got cash on me, so I'll pay for our stay. Come on guys. Jim? Miss?" Pete said. "My name's Claire." Claire said. "Trust me, Claire, we'll be fine."

Jim rubs his chin in thought. "It  has been 20 years since I've been there...." He says. "But I don't know... can't we wait 'til morning?" Pete says, "If we wait 'til morning we'll just waste half of the day getting there. If we go now, we'll be halfway there then we'll stay at a hotel overnight and drive the rest of the way and we'll probably get there around noon or so. Come on guys, whatdya say?" Jim thinks a little more. "Ya know what, I'm in. I mean, Pete's got a point. We'll have all day tomorrow to look around if we go now, and Claire, I don't mean to offend you when I say this, but I doubt you'll be getting any customers soon." Claire looks down at the counter. "Yeah, I guess you're right." "Great! I'll go get my car!" Pete shouts in excitement and rushes out the door.

Tell me what you think about it so far.

Edited by EndZone, 11 August 2006 - 01:03 AM.

[Corey Grandy]

As quite an avid reader/writer, I'm pretty sure I know what I'm talking about when I say, wow. This is a great story. There isn't a whole lot to point out in particular besides how catching the plot is, and how it makes me want to read more. Very good, keep it comin'.

[Andrew]

wow just finished reading it and its great and i hate reading

great story so far keep it comin i want more :)

[EndZone]

Thanks man :) I thought i did okay too. Im still thinking of ways to continue the story. I guess i'll post more in this thread when i write more, but im gunna take my time. I don't wanna rush this cause if i do, it'll probably turn out pretty crappy.

Anyway, thanks for that, CG. :) And Andrew. :D

Edited by EndZone, 07 July 2006 - 12:58 AM.

[Jittery Blanket]

whoa,this is good

cant wait for more

[~Kenneth Extreme~]

that's a pretty good story E l Z! you should actually be an author.

[Corporal Hicks]

Thats a pretty good story i advise you continue on it. get more in depth about the town sayersville. etc and what not pretty good so far definently continue on it.

What has it been about writinhg storys ive started my own currently when im donew with the first chapter ill post that up aswell.

Also once you have done with this could you put it in custom work as its your own story ;)

[spike731]

Thats good. I can't wait to see the rest of it.

[EndZone]

Whoops, sorry Hicks, didn't realize that board.

Wanna move it there? And thanks for all the good feedback so far, folks. :)

[EndZone]

Sorry for the double post, but i wanted to bump this as well.

Quote

"Do you really trust this guy? I mean, come on look at the weather out there!" Claire said to Jim. Jim turned around and looked out the window. Fog was beginning to build up, but it wasn't looking very strong. He could see the droplets of rain slowly crawling down the window. Jim looked back at Claire. "Pete doesn't seem suspicious to me. I mean, he's 61 years old, he probably has been in rainy situations like this one." Jim responded. A car slowly stopped in front of the diner and the horn sounded. Jim and Claire looked and saw Pete waving at them. Jim and Claire looked at each other once more and Jim exitted the diner.

Claire looked around the diner one last time and reluctantly followed. Jim was shocked at how slippery the road was. It's only been half an hour since he had been outside. Jim quickly put his hand on the hood of the car to maintain his balance. Pete reached over and opened the passenger door for Jim and Jim quickly slipped in. Claire quickly got into the back seat and shut the door. "Well it's 11:10 right now and the drive will be probably be around three and a half hours or so." Pete thought aloud. Jim said, "How do you know for sure we'll be safe? I almost slipped three times while getting into the car." Pete turned and looked into Jim's eyes. "Trust me, Jim. I've been doin' this kinda shit for over thirty years. I think I can handle it." Jim stared back into Pete's eyes as Pete turned back and looked ahead. He started the car back up and slowly performed a U-Turn. Claire looked out the windows and then looked behind the car. She squinted her eyes and looked at the diner entrance. "What is that....." She thought to herself as she thought she saw a dark figure walking around the bar. "Uh.... Pete, Jim... I think I see something..." Claire said. "What? What is it?" Jim replied. Claire looked at Jim and said "I think I see someone walking in the diner." Jim and Claire turned around in their seats and looked at the diner. Jim said, "Claire, you're probably scared. I don't see anything." Claire didn't see anthing either. Just the gloomy bar surrounded by the dimly lit diner.

"Strange...." Claire thought. An hour later, Pete said, "HAHA! See kids! I told ya!" as they looked to the side of the road and saw a small hotel. Pete pulled into the small parking lot. There was only two other cars besides them. "Well, I guess it's a good thing we're not alone here." Claire said. "You kids wait here, I don't want ya gettin' soaking wet. I'll take care of everything and when our room is ready, I'll come back to get ya guys. I'll turn the heat on for you kids. Must be freezin'." Pete said. Pete turned the heat on and got out of the car. Pete held his hat down and ran into the gloomy hotel. Jim looked around the parking lot. Why were there only two other cars, he thought. Jim looked in the back and saw that Claire was fast asleep. He grinned and turned back and looked at the hotel. The hotel was probably around sixty years old he thought, noticing cracks in the walls and stained graffiti. Suddenly, the car rumbled but then as fast as it started, it stopped. Jim looked around but saw nothing. "Claire!" Jim shouted, as he reached over and shook Claire. Claire suddenly woke up. "Whe....where are we?" she said as she slowly sat up. "I swear, the car just shook.." Jim said. "What? What're you talking about?" Clair replied. "I don't know, the car just suddenly began shaking for a few seconds, just now. I don't know what the hell's going on." Jim said. Jim got out of the car and looked around. He saw nothing but the pouring rain his gloomy surroundings.

"Guys!" Pete shouted as he appeared from the entrance door. "Guys come on in, we've got our rooms.... Jim, what're you doing outside the car?" Jim looked at Pete. He walked towards Pete. "I don't know what the hell just happened, but the car just shook." He said. "What? My car? What the hell are you talking about my car shook?" Pete asked. Jim responds, "Ya know Pete, I don't know, and I don't blame you if you don't believe me, but I SWEAR the car shook." "Well is Claire okay? Did ya leave her?" Pete asked. "No, Claire... Claire was asleep. I woke her up just now." Jim responded. Pete raced over to the car and opened the back door. "You okay?" Pete asked Claire. "Yeah, I'm fine. Jim told me the car shook." She responded. "Yeah he told me that, too. Come on, our rooms are ready." Pete helped Claire out of the car and ran into the hotel with her. Jim stood there, drenched in rain, and looked around the parking lot. "What the hell happened...?" He thought to himself. "Jim, get the hell in here! You're getting yourself soaked!" Pete shouted from inside. Jim went into the hotel and looked around. The inside was much different then the outside, he thought. The walls were covered in fancy-looking pictures and some old brochures were in held in clear cabinets on the walls. "Alright guys, I got us seperate rooms. Two people in room 216 and one person in room 302." Pete said. "I don't wanna be alone." Claire said. "Well I had an idea. I wanna try to plan what we're gunna do tomorrow, so I'll need some concentration. I'll take the room on the third floor and you two take room 216. And I'll see ya in the morning, kay?" Pete said as he handed them their room key. "Now don't stay up too late, kids. I wanna try to be outta here by nine or so."

Pete, Jim and Claire got into the gloomy elevator and Pete pressed the two and the three buttons. The elevator opened on the second floor. "Alright I'll see you kids in the morning. Remember, we'll be gettin' up early tomorrow, so don't stay up too late!" Pete said. Jim and Claire walked out of the elevator as it closed. Jim and Claire look at the room key and look around their surroundings. "This is one weird hotel." Claire said. Jim nodded and looked at the doors in the hallway. The numbers on the doors were barely hanging on. "Well, we're only here for the night. We'll be out of here in 12 hours, luckily." James responded. Jim and Claire walked down the hallway and they found their room. It was the last room in the hallway, next to a large window. Jim was amazed at how hard the rain was pouring. The sound of the rain hitting the window was like a baseball bat hitting a concrete wall. Jim unlocked the door and opened it. Jim and Claire walked into the room. It was a gloomy room with a small amount of light, from a lightbulb that was weakening by the minute. Jim sat down on the bed and stared into the mirror at the opposite side of the room.

"I don't know what the hell's going on", Jim said, "But things are starting to get weird. And we're not even in Sayersville yet! I mean, the car shaking, you might have seen someone in the diner when we left...." Claire rested against the dresser and crossed her arms. "I don't think it was a hallucination but who knows? It could've been. I knew I would regret doing this!" She said. Jim got up and put his hands on Claire's shoulders. "Look, it's been a long night, maybe we're just so tired we're imagining things. With all these murders popping up on the news and so suddenly taking this trip to Sayersville, maybe we're just mentally exhausted. I mean, I didn't see any markings on the car and I didn't see anything when I looked out of the car, so I may have been imagining things. So how 'bout we just get some rest and meet up with Pete in the morning?" Jim said. Claire looked down and then back at Jim. "Maybe you're right. I think that's a good idea. It has been a long night and I'm mentally exhausted. Plus, it really has been sudden that we're taking this trip to Sayersville. Maybe we're just scared because we're going to a town that has had quite a number of murders for a while. Under these conditions, I'd say it's kinda easy to hallucinate." Claire responded. "Exactly. So let's get some rest. It's gunna be a long day tomorrow." Jim responded.

Gettin' better?

[Andrew]

Wow, getting better :).

great job so far cant wait for more

[DTM]

Ill read it later if i have time but for now...


*moved*

[EndZone]

Cheers, Dan. :)

Any more comments, folks?

Edited by EndZone, 07 July 2006 - 05:30 PM.

[Shadow™]

*Archived into the Stories Archive*

Your story looks good, I'll possibly read this sometime.

[D-Ten]

I really enjoyed that read I cut and pasted into word to make it easier on the eyes so I could enjoy it right. Very imagenitive and athmospheric. I could see every thing from the diner to the rain and the hotel in my minds eye.

[EndZone]

Thanks, Jeff. :) And yeah, TEN, that's the kinda thing i like. I have a great imagination, so while im writing, i can always see what's going on in my mind. It's almost like im watching the movie unfold while im writing. :P

Anyway, heres the latest chapter i guess i'll call it.

Quote

Jim woke up and looked at the wall clock. It was just past seven in the morning. He looked and saw that Claire was still asleep. Jim got up out of bed and stumbled towards the mirror and rubbed his face, trying to wake himself up. Jim walked over to the balcony. He put his hands on the rail and looked around. It was very foggy. He could barely see a thing. Jim walked back in the room and sees Claire woke up. "What time is it, Jim?" She asks. "7:15. We should get Pete." Jim replied. Jim and Claire exitted their room. "What room is Pete in again?" Claire asked. "Uh, I think it's 302." Jim said. Jim and Claire headed to the elevator and press the switch to call for it. After a few seconds, the elevator suddenly falls down to the basement of the hotel, and it sends a rumble in the ground. Claire falls to the floor. "Are you okay?!" Jim asked as he helped her up. "Yeah, I'm okay. What the hell just happened?" She said. "I don't know, I guess we'll just use the stairs." Jim said. Jim and Claire tremble up the stairs and arrive at room 302. They knock on the door. "Pete? Pete it's us, Jim and Claire." Jim says. Jim and Claire wait for a minute and there's no answer. Jim knocks on the door and it slowly opens. Jim looks at Claire and she shrugs her shoulders. "Wait here." Jiim says to Claire as he slowly walks into the room. Jim looks around the room and sees words written on the walls but can't read them. Jim is about to leave the room when he hears something moving on the balcony.

Jim slowly walks towards the balcony and quickly jerked the curtain. "Oh hey there, Jim. Sleep well?" Says Pete, who turns around to face Jim. "Yo.....You didn't hear Claire and I just a minute ago? We were knocking on the door.." responds Jim. "Oh you did? I'm sorry, I must not have heard you kids. Well, you guys ready to go?" Pete asked. "...Yeah, sure...." Jim said. Jim went to the door and looked back to see Pete putting something in a garbage bag. "What're you doing?" Jim asked. "Ah don't worry 'bout it. It's not like I've got a body in here! HA! Anyway, where's Claire? Ain't she coming with us?" Pete said. "Yeah, she's right outside..." Jim said. Jim turned around and opened the door. Claire was sitting against the wall. Pete followed after. "Alright let's get the hell outta here, shall we?" Pete, Claire and Jim walked towards the elevator. Pete pressed the button to call for the elevator. "Uh, Pete, the elevator crashed down to the bottom floor, so it's...." Jim stopped talking as the elevator opened and Pete stepped in. "Sorry, what was that?" Pete asked. "....Nothing." Jim said. Jim and Claire looked at each other and shrugged and stepped into the elevator.

"Well kids, sorry but I didn't get much work done last night. However, I did estimate that we're not that far from Sayersville. In fact, we're about two and a half hours away from it." Pete said. The elevator slowly opened and Pete, Jim and Claire stepped into the lobby. "Alright I just wanna talk to the receptionist for a minute. Why don't you kids wait in the car, here's the key." Pete said as he handed the key over to Jim. Jim and Claire stepped outside and got into the car in the backseat. Claire turned to Jim. "What the HELL is going on here? Didn't the elevator take that violent crash on the way to Pete's?" Claire said. "I thought it did, but I guess it.....didn't?" Jim guessed. Claire rested her chin in the palm of her hand. "I just don't understand what's going on. Maybe we imagined that, too? I mean, it just doesn't make sense." Claire thought aloud. Jim shaked his head. "I don't know what's going on either, but it's over. We were only here for the night and thank God for that. Now we're just going to Sayersville and trying to find out what the hell's going on there. Maybe we can find out the cause of all the murders. Maybe I can visit home...." Jim closed his eyes and lowered his head. Jim covered his face with his one of his hands. Claire put her arm around Jim. "I'm very sorry about what happened to you. It must be so heart-breaking to know your family might be..." Claire stopped talking after realizing what she was saying. Jim slowly uncovered his face.

"You're.......you're right..... my family could be dead...... the officials only identified a few of the bodies... oh my God..." Jim mumbled. Pete appeared and walked towards the car, the receptionist walking with him. Claire looked at the two and they were talking about something, but she couldn't understand them. Pete looked at Claire and Claire stopped looking and sunk in her seat. Pete dumped the garbage bag he was carrying into the trunk and then got into the car moments later and buckled his seat belt. "Well, kids, we're still three hours away from Sayersville. Now if you kids don't mind, I wanna just go there without making any stops." Pete said as he turned around. "Is that okay with you?" Claire and Jim looked at each other and slowly nodded. "Alright, great! I'll put on some music and you kids just sit back and relax. Hell, take a nap if you want to. We'll be there before ya know it!" Pete exclaimed. Pete backed out of the parking lot and drove down the road. Jim looked out the window. It was very foggy. It looked pretty dense. He could barely see a thing, but he did manage to see the road. The road looked like it was painted recently. It was a very long road that seemed to have no end in sight. "What do you think was in the bag?" Claire said softly, hoping Pete wouldn't hear her. "I don't know. I asked him about it and he sorta avoided the question. He just said something like 'it's not like I have a dead body in it' or something like that. I'm sure it's just, maybe clothes or something." Jim said. "Should we ask him?" Claire asked. "I'm not so sure that's a good idea. I mean, sure it's a little weird he didn't answer the question, but I think Pete knows what he's doing. He maybe a bit secretive but I'm not extremely worried about it." Jim replied. Claire sat back in her seat and looked out the window. She could barely see a thing. She looked down the road and closed her eyes.

"Oh kids, wakey wakey!" Pete exclaimed. Jim and Claire woke up to see a large sign to the side of the road. "Welcome to Ole Sayersville" Pete read the sign aloud. The tall, brown sign had been there for the past decade Jim guessed, judging from how dirty the sign was and how some of the letters were fading away. Pete drove on a bit more until a police blockade was in sight. Pete drove the car to the blockade as a policeman approached the car. Pete lowered the window. "Mornin' officer." Pete said. "What're you folks doin' here?" The cop asked. "Haven't you heard of all the murders happenin' in the area?" The cop asked. "Yes officer, and that's exactly why we're here. We just wanted to....uh..... investigate." Pete said, as the cop lowered his glasses. "You know, we just wanted to see for ourselves what the hell is goin' on here." Pete continued. "Sir, I'm gunna have to ask you to leave." The cop replied. Pete reached into his wrinkled pocket and pulled out his wallet. "I'm willing to pull out the big guns in order to get in here." Pete opened his wallet and reached in. "How much ya want?" Pete said to the cop. The cop sighed and said, "Sir, are you aware of the fact that it is against the law to bribe a police officer? I can throw you in jail for this." "Yes sir, I understand that, but that's how much I wanna get into this place. Come on, whatdya say?" Pete said. The cop looked into the backseat. The cop looked at his buddies and they nodded. The cop looked back at Pete. "Fine, come in." The cop said. "HOWEVER, if I catch you doing anything suspicious I swear you're goin' right to jail, ya hear me?" "Yes, sir. Thank you very much." Pete replied.

Pete drove on into the foggy town and stopped the car minutes later. "Well kids, we're here. Where to first?" Pete asked. Jim looked around. His worst nightmares had apparently came true. Sayersville appeared to be very foggy and there was no civilization in sight. "Ya know what, I know where I wanna go." Jim said. Jim reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out his wallet. He opened the wallet and took out a picture. "What's that?" Claire asked. "This is the last picture I ever took with my family. It was about a month before I left here for Heatsdale." Jim said as he fought the tears trying to crawl down his cheeks. Claire wrapped her arm around Jim. "I am so sorry... that's horrible." Claire said. "Can I look at it?" She asked. Jim nodded and gave her the picture. "I'm the one on the right. David is next to me and Andrew is in between my parents." Jim said. "This is a really nice picture, Jim. It's just.... it's beautiful." Claire said. "Do you remember your address?" Jim thought for a moment. "Yes.... I do.... it's 43-27 Landhoven Street." Jim said. " I'm sorry, Jim, but I don't know my way around this place that well." Pete said. Jim unbuckled his seat belt. "You know what? That's fine. I've been in this car for the last few hours and I need to stretch my legs anyway, so I'll walk." Pete stared at Jim, looking shocked. "You sure? I don't think you'll get too far. It's pretty damn foggy out there." He said. Jim grinned and opened his door. "That's okay. I'll do fine."

[Andrew]

yay im in the story lol

great so far, do you have a title for this yet?? and i was thinking you should like make a book like with a cover and back that you could make and whoever wants could print it out. that would be pretty cool

anyway great job cant wait for more :D

[EndZone]

A title.... not really. I've been throwing around some ideas, but i don't wanna say them or it *might* spoil the story. Believe it or not, im kinda making this up as i go along. :P

As it is, i've had at least three changes in the storyline that i scrapped. So yeah, that just gives you an idea its a bit tougher then it seems. And that ain't a bad idea for covers. I might do that. :)

Thanks for the comment. :)

[EndZone]

Latest "chapter".

Quote

Jim got out of the car and Claire looked on. "You know what, I wanna make sure he's okay. I'm going with him" Claire said to Pete as she got out of the car. Claire caught up with Jim as he stood on the lawn of someone's property. Jim walked up to the door and knocked. "Hello, is anyone in there?" He said as he knocked again. Claire looked around. The area was covered in dense fog, she couldn't see very far. The door opened as an old lady appeared. "Hello, what can I do for you?" The lady said. "Good morning, madam. My name's Jim Saint and this is my partner Claire Jennings. We came down to see what the hell's going on here. I used to live here. May we come in?" Jim said to the lady. "Well, I don't see why not. Come on in." She responded. Jim and Claire walked inside the house. "Take a seat in the kitchen, I'll be right with you. It's the second room on the right." She said to Jim and Claire. Jim and Claire walked into the kitchen. It smelled pleasant. The refrigator was decorated in drawings, likely from a child. Jim took a look at the drawings. They looked like they were up there for a while. "Something wrong?" Claire said to Jim. "Nah.... no I was just looking at the drawings." Jim replied as he took a seat next to Claire. "She has to know something." Claire said. The lady walked in. "Would you like something to drink?" She asked. "No, we're okay, but thank you for your kind offer." Jim replied back. The lady took some coffee that was on the counter and sat down on the opposite side of the table.

"Mam, what's your name?" Jim asked. "Patricia Taylor." She said. "Patricia, we came from Heatsdale, and on the news there's been quite a number of stories popping up about gruesome murders." Jim said. Patricia closed her eyes and bowed her head. "Yes..." Pat said. "What's happening, Pat? I mean, do you know what triggered this? Do you know who or what is responsible for these deaths?" Jim asked. "Pat looked up at the ceiling and took her glasses off. "To be completely honest with you, I don't know what's responsible for the deaths, but it seems that every other day, another body is discovered. Occasionally, the body is missing a limb or two. Nobody really knows what is responsible for the murders. The people that do, though, are likely dead already." Pat said. "When did it all start?" Jim asked. "Pat looked down at the table and sighed. "It started about three months ago, probably before that, but that's as far back as I can remember. It was reported on the news that a body was found missing half of its left leg and the arm wounded with a deep laceration. Nobody knows what happened to the body, but as soon as that story came on, a number of residents packed their belongings and left. This town had never had anything like it before, and so it struck fear into a lot of people." Jim looked at Claire. Jim looked at Pat again and said, "Why did you stay?" Pat chuckled. "I didn't really have a choice. I have nowhere else to go. And besides, I didn't want to let something like that change the way I live my life. I don't live in fear. Sure, it was a strange and unusual happening for Sayersville to have, but I wasn't going to change anything." Jim grinned. "You're a brave lady, y'know that? I respect that." Jim said to Pat.

Claire grinned and looked at Pat. Jim said to Pat, "Would you mind if we checked out your backyard?" Pat looked up. "No, go right ahead." She said. Jim and Claire got up and walked to the back of the house and opened the door. It creeked as it opened. Jim and Claire stepped into the backyard. They looked around and couldn't see that much with the dense fog. Jim walked over to a shed and tried to look into it through the window, but couldn't see anything. Jim saw a crowbar leaning against the shed and took it and used it to unlock the shed. Jim opened the door and a dust cloud came out. Jim pulled his shirt over his mouth and walked into the shed. Jim walked around the shed and found a lightswitch and flicked it. It was a tool shed. Jim was surrounded by all types of tools: hammers, screwdrivers, crowbars and saws. Jim saw a note on the table and picked it up. "Be home by 8" Jim read aloud. "Jim! Come here!" Jim heard Claire shout. Jim exitted the toolshed and saw Claire crouching at a fence. The fence had a big tear in it. Jim walked over and crouched next to Claire. "Look." Claire said as she showed Jim her hand, covered in blood. Jim was shocked. He looked at the big hole in the fence. It was outlined in blood. Jim and Claire looked at it in disbelief. "My God....." Jim said. "You think Patricia knows?" Claire asked. Jim shook his head, "I don't know... but if she doesn't, she might be in trouble." He responded. "We should go tell her." Claire said. "You go tell her, I wanna check this fence out for a sec." Jim said. Jim touched the sharp edges of the tear and looked at the blood. Jim rubbed his fingers together and looked around. "What the hell could've possible did this.." He thought. Jim got up and followed the fence to where it ended.

Jim looked at the ground saw a knife, the tip covered in blood. He stood in shock for a moment and picked up the bloody knife. "Holy shit" He thought to himself. Jim held the knife in his hands and looked around. Jim walked to the backdoor as Claire was coming out. "I didn't see Pat insi...." Claire saw the knife in Jim's hands. "Where the hell did you find that?!" She asked. "It was on the ground, covered in leaves, by the fence...." He said. "Oh my....God...." Claire said. Pat appeared behind Claire. "Is everything alright?" She asked. Jim walked over to Pat. "Actually, I have three things to point out. One, if you didn't know, there's a huge tear in your fence and it's outlined in blood. Two, I found this knife by the fence, covered in leaves, and three, I found this note in your toolshed." Jim said as he handed Pat the note. "Oh yes, this note. My husband used to work in that toolshed all the time. Whenever I was looking for him I would always head over to that toolshed. One day I went in and I saw this note, I assumed he wrote it. This is the last thing I have to remember him for." She said. "How long ago was that?" Jim asked. "Probably three weeks after the first body was found." Pat responded. "I just assumed 'it' got him." She continued. Jim looked at the refrigerator. "Your kid draw those?" He asked. "Oh no, we never had kids. Those were from my grandchildren." She said. "God knows where they are now. The last time I saw them they were still youngins." She chuckled. "Oh, didn't you say you used to live here, Mr. Saint?" She asked. "You can call me Jim, and yes I did. I was 17 years old when I left." He replied.

"Sorry, Jim. Where did you live?" She asked. "It was uh 43-27 Landhoven?" He said, though not sure. "Hmm..." Pat said as she stroked her chin. "43-27... I don't recall that address..." She said. "Well I'll tell you what, you two are awfully nice people, I'll drive you over there. It's not a long drive, I know where Landhoven Street is. I have a van in the driveway." She offered. "That would be great, thank you so much Pat!" Jim excitingly exclaimed. "But hold on, I just want to get this blood off my hands." He said. "Okay okay. I'll meet you two outside." Pat said. Jim and Claire walked over to the sink. "I can't believe this. I'm finally going home!" Jim exclaimed. "Yeah, it's great and all, but didn't Pat say she didn't remember that address?" Claire said. "Eh, that's probably just bad memory. She looks like she's about 80 years old." Jim said. "Maybe..." Claire said. Jim and Claire wiped their hands on the towel beside the sink and Jim wiped the knife down and put it in his jacket pocket. Jim and Claire walked outside. "Hey over here!" Pat shouted. Jim and Claire saw Pat inside the van and walked over and got into the van. "It's pretty foggy, isn't it?" Pat said. "Yeah, very foggy. It's strange. I always remembered Sayersville being a bright, sunny town." Jim said. "Yes, it was. It's been like this, though, for awhile." Pat said.

Jim looked out the window. He was shocked at how many houses there were with no occupants. "Are you the only person here?" Jim asked Pat. "Oh, I don't know about that. I believe there are still some people here but they're hiding." Pat said. Jim rubbed his chin in thought as Pat turned into Landhoven street. Jim quickly looked out the window, hoping his home lived through the past two decades. "Do you remember what your house looked like? I can't even see the numbers on the doors because of the fog." Pat said. Jim tried to remember. "Shit. Uh... I think it was a red brick house with a large window on the front. Yeah, it had a large window. That's how my brothers and I distinguished our house from the others." Jim said. Moments later, Jim saw a house with a large window on the front. "I think that's it!" Jim exclaimed. Pat stopped the car and Jim and Claire got out of the van. Jim raced up onto the sidewalk. "I think this is it.... I don't remember the window being this big." Jim said as he stared into the window. He put his face against the glass, trying to peek inside the house, but saw nobody. All he saw was a chandeliere hanging from the ceiling and a large bookcase. "Do you have a key?" Claire asked. Jim felt around his jacket and reached into the pockets. Jim pulled out the knife he obtained in Pat's backyard. "I don't have a key, but maybe I can get the door opened with this knife." Jim said.

Jim put the knife into the keyhole and turned it. The door creeked as it slowly opened. Jim cautiously opened the door and was greeted with dust. He and Claire slowly walked into the house. "Mom? Dad?" Jim said. "Dave? Andrew?" He continued. Jim and Claire walked down the hallway, which was filled with old paintings. Suddenly, Jim was alerted to a sound in the kitchen. Jim looked at Claire then looked back where he was heading. Jim slowly approached the kitchen and got the knife ready. Jim walked into the gloomy kitchen, the fog from outside providing some light. Jim saw a body under the table. He quickly jerked a chair out of the way. "Freeze!" He exclaimed. "Don't!" The man exclaimed as he curled up in fear. "Get up!" Jim shouted as he pulled the man from under the table. He tossed the man onto the table. Jim looked at the man's face and suddenly stopped. "And....rew?" Jim said. The man, shaking in fear, slowly opened his eyes and looked at Jim. "Jimmy?" The main asked. Jim let go of the man and lowered his knife. "Holy shit!" Jim exclaimed. "Is that really you, Jimmy?!" Andrew exclaimed. "Yeah, I'm Jimmy!" He exclaimed. The two embraced in an emotion filled hug. "My God, I never thought I'd see you again!" Andrew said. "My God, it's been twenty god damn years...." Jim said. Claire walked in. Jim turned to Claire. "Claire, this is my brother, Andrew." Jim said to Claire.

"Claire?" Andrew asked. "Yeah, hi I'm Claire Jennings. I work in Heatsdale as a waittress. I own a diner there." Claire said to Andrew. "Ah, wow. You guys came here all the way from Heatsdale?" Andrew asked. "The hell are you doing here?" He continued. "We came here with some old guy named Pete Burns. It was his idea to come here. We kept hearing murder stories and we came down here to see what the hell's going on." Jim said. "Oh..." Andrew said. "What the hell happened to this place, Andrew? When I left twenty years ago, this place was a wonderful place. Now I come back two decades later and it's a god damn shithole. What the hell's with all the fog? Do you know who or what has been killing people here?" Jim said. Andrew leaned against the counter. "It's a long story. I don't even know where to begin. This place has just been getting worse and worse for a while. When the first corpse was found, everybody started to panic, gathering their belongings and just got the hell outta here. Then more corpses were found, and more and more were found. I tell ya, man, there was about twenty corpses found in a timespan of maybe, like..... three weeks I guess." Andrew said. "So far, we don't know what the hell has been causing all the deaths. The cops were called in after a month and were just stationed in random parts of the town, but they disappeared after about a week. They didn't do shit either. I think they were here to try to give us a sense of security and to make themselves look good, like to make it like they actually gave a ****, even though some people knew they didn't." Andrew said.

[Andrew]

wow its getting better good job endzone ;) cant wait for more

[EndZone]

The latest chapter in my story.

Quote

"Heh, Pete bribed a cop to get us in here." Jim said. "He bribed a cop? He could arrested for that!" Andrew replied. Jim shrugged. "The cop didn't really seem to give a shit. He just let us in." Jim said. "But that's not the only strange thing. On our way to Sayersville, we stopped at a hotel you know, to spend the night. In the morning when Claire and I were going to get Pete, the elevator suddenly went crashing to the basement and when he got back from getting Pete, the elevator was fine." Jim said. "Plus while Pete was getting our rooms, Claire and I stayed in his car and the car shook for a second." Jim continued. "The hell...? That shit sounds like it would come straight out of a horror movie." Andrew said. "Yeah, things got really weird." Jim responded. "Well, I'm sure Pat is patiently waiting for us." Jim said. "....Pat? Who the hell is Pat?" Andrew said. "Oh, she's this old lady we met before driving here. She was kind enough to drive us here." Jim said. "I see." Andrew replied. Jim, Andrew and Claire exitted the house and walked down the sidewalk until they got to the van. They all got inside it. Jim saw Pat with her head to the side. "Pat." Jim said as he shook her. "Pat, wake up." He continued. Nothing happened. "Pat!" Jim shouted as he shook her harder. Nothing happened. Jim unbuckled his seat belt and leaned over to see blood pouring out of the side of Pat's neck. "She's dead! SHE'S DEAD! SHE'S ******* DEAD!" Jim shouted. "What?!" Claire shouted. Claire unbuckled her seat belt and grabbed Pat's lifeless arm and felt for a pulse. Claire slowly looked up at Jim.

"Is she dead, CJ?" Andrew asked. "Y....yeah...." Claire stuttered out of disbelief. "That must mean...." Jim started to talk. Suddenly, the car started up. Jim and Claire quickly looked at the ignition and it had nothing in it. The car suddenly jerked forward and raced down the road at 80 miles per hour. "Holy shit!" Andrew exclaimed as he tried to hang onto his seat. Jim fought to get to his feet. "How the hell are we gunna stop this damn thing?!" He shouted. The car suddenly performed a sharp right turn and during the turn it flipped completely over and suddenly stopped. With broken glass covering the area around him, Jim slowly opened his eyes. Jim looked around, the fog still strong. "Is everybody alright?" Jim asked. "There's only two other people besides you, Jimmy." Andrew said. "But yeah, I'm alright. I think I got a cut on my right shoulder though." He continued. "Claire?" Jim said. "I'm right here." Claire said, as she emerged from the trunk. "What the hell just happened here?" She continued. Jim slowly crawled out of the broken window, narrowly avoiding the broken shards of glass in the way. Jim slowly got to his feet and looked around. He couldn't see much due to the dense fog. Claire and Andrew soon emerged from the flipped van. Jim pointed to the left. "Looks like a restaurant." Jim said as he pointed at a white building. "....You're hungry at a time like this?" Andrew asked. Jim looked at Andrew. "No, Andrew, I'm not hungry, but maybe we can find something or someone in there. Maybe we can find another hint at what's been causing these murders. Perhaps maybe, we can find out what the hell just happened to US!" Jim said.

"Whoa cool down, man. I was kidding." Andrew replied. Jim, Andrew and Claire walked around the corner to the entrance. The clear doors looked like they hadn't been cleaned for several years, covered in dirt and dust. Jim opened the door. "Is there anyone in here?" Jim asked. Jim looked around. It was a fairly big restaurant. Looked like the type of place rich people would eat. The walls had famous paintings and antique clocks were placed randomly. Jim walked over to the kitchen. "Is anyone there?" Jim asked. Jim saw that there were some platters of food left over. Jim took the platters and placed them on one of the tables. "You're gunna eat that?" Claire asked. "Why not?" Jim replied. "I am kinda hungry." He continued. "We were just driven here by a van with no keys in the ignition and nobody driving us, and the damn thing flipped over. You're not the least bit worried?" Claire said. "Look, Claire, I know it's weird. And yes I am worried, but remember what Pat said? Don't live in fear. I'm not gunna let that son of a ***** ruin my appetite." Jim said. Andrew sat down next to Jim and they took off the lids to reveal spaghetti. "Man it's been a while since I've had this stuff." Andrew said. Andrew and Jim dug into the spaghetti. "Man, you remember how good mom's home-cooked spaghetti was?" Jim said. "Man, I could eat that shit for hours." Andrew replied.

Claire sat down and ate some as well. "I don't know you guys, I'm just a little scared about what happened to us." She said. "Yeah, we are too, CJ. But hey, there's really nothing we can do about it." Andrew said. Suddenly, sparks emanated from the lights. The lights then went out, and the dense fog from the outside provided some light to the restaurant. "And just as I say that, this shit happens." Andrew said. Jim was suddenly alerted to noise in the kitchen. Jim, Claire and Andrew went to the kitchen. "It sounded like it came from inside that freezer." Jim said. Jim opened the door and went into the freezer. Andrew and Claire followed. The room was filled with frozen foods and ice cream popsicles. "Man, there's nothing in here." Andrew said. Suddenly, the door slammed shut. Jim ran to the door and a knife was stabbed through the door. Claire gasped. "Are you okay?!" Claire asked. Jim caught his breath. "Yeah, I'm alright. It missed me. Jim tried to turn the knob, but it wouldn't budge. "Oh ****.... we're locked in here. The damn knob won't budge." He said. Jim looked out the window and saw nothing. Jim, Claire and Andrew slowly sank to their knees. "What the hell are we supposed to do now?" Claire said. "There is nobody in this damn town. And we could freeze to death in here!" She continued. "Don't worry, CJ. We can't freeze to death. It's not cold enough." Suddenly, the temperature dropped to 20 degrees below zero. "Haha, son of a *****..." Andrew said." Soon, they all closed their eyes.

Jim was suddenly awakened by a voice saying his name. "Jim!" Jim heard again. Jim looked up at the window and saw Pete's face. Jim fought to get to his feet. Jim looked out the window and it was Pete. "Pete! We're stuck in here. Think you can get us out?" Jim said. "Sorry, kid. I don't have anything and the knob won't budge. Jim suddenly realized he had the knife. Jim reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out the knife and stuck it between the door and the wall. The door made a cracking noise and slowly opened. "Guys!" Jim shouted as Claire and Andrew opened their eyes. "Guys, I got the door opened!" Jim exclaimed. "Who'se that?" Andrew said as he looked at Pete. "Oh, this is the guy who took Claire and I here, Pete Burns." Jim said. Jim, Claire and Andrew followed Pete to a table. "How long were you kids stuck in there?" Pete asked. "I don't know. We heard something in there and went to check on it then the door slammed shut and a knife stabbed right through the metal door. We realized we couldn't get out and just drifted into sleep. Next thing I know, I hear your voice." Jim replied. "How did you get here?" Jim asked. "I was just drivin' around for awhile, lookin' for you kids. I also found another body." Pete responded. "Shit..." Andrew said. "Where?" Claire asked. "It was, uh, on the porch of someone's house. It was missing half of its right arm." Pete responded. "Good god...." Jim said. "How long ago was that?" Claire asked. "Eh, I don't know. Maybe half an hour ago?" Pete guessed.

"So, Jim, you find your home?" Pete asked. "Yeah. Actually, this is my brother, Andrew." Jim said as he put his hand on Andrew's shoulder. "Ow!" Andrew exclaimed as he shoved Jim's hand off his shoulder. "Sorry, Jimmy, but that was the shoulder I pulled a shard of glass out of. And yeah, I'm Andrew, Pete." Andrew said. "Yeah I found Andrew hiding under the table in our kitchen." Jim said as he was suddenly cut off by Andrew. "And might I add he almost freakin' killed me." Andrew said. Jim chuckled. "Hey, you can never be too cautious nowadays. Especially in the kind of predicament this town is in right now." Jim said. "Anyway, yeah I found Andy and that's pretty much it." Jim continued. "You find yer parents?" Pete asked. "No." Jim said as he slightly bowed his head. "That's too bad." Pete replied. "So how did you kids stumble across this place?" Pete said as he looked around the gloomy restaurant." Pete said. "Heh, in a rather interesting and scary way." Jim said. "How?" Pete asked. "Well, shortly after Claire and I left the car, we met this old lady named Patricia Taylor and talked to her for a little while. I found the knife in her backyard and when we went back to the van after finding my brother, she had blood pouring out of the side of her neck. The van turned on somehow and freakin' zoomed down the road and after a few minutes, it made a really sharp right turn and that caused the van to flip over. We crawled out and we ended up here." Jim replied.

"Wow..." Pete said. "Yep. A lot of weird things have been happening." Claire said. "Like for example, you remember back at the hotel we stayed at, when we got you? Well on our way up, the elevator crashed down to the basement and the whole ground rumbled. Then when we got back from getting you, the elevator was......fine...." Claire continued. Pete looked down at the table and stroked his chin. "That's very strange." Pete said. "So where were you kids headed before you got stuck in the freezer?" Pete asked. "We were just eating spaghetti." Andrew said. "What spaghetti?" Pete asked. Jim looked around and saw no spaghetti. "I guess it's gone now." Jim said. "Man, you kids have weird hallucinations." Pete said. "Pete, we didn't hallucinate." Jim said. Pete looked at Jim. "Jim, first you hallucinate that the elevator in the hotel crashed down to the basement." Pete said as he was cut off by Jim. "PETE! We did NOT hallucinate! That elevator fell right down to the god damn basement!" Jim said. Pete looked into Jim's eyes as slowly got up. "Look, kid, I don't know what your problem is, but you better cool it." He said. Jim slowly got up. "I'm not a kid anymore, Pete. Sure, I may be almost half your age, but I'm no kid and I don't like being told that I was just seeing things. That god damn elevator crashed down to the basement and if you don't believe me, fine, don't. I don't give a **** if you don't believe me, but it did happen." Jim said.

Pete grinned as he stared into Jim's eyes. "You kids these days..." He said as he walked away from the table and walked towards the entrance doors. "Jim!" Claire said as he tried to stop Jim. Jim walked towards Pete and grabbed him and turned him around. "Y'know what, Pete, I've been wanting to say this to you ever since I met you. I don't trust you. KID. So you know what, go. Leave. Leave and wander into the dense fog. Maybe 'it' will get you, too." Jim said. Pete chuckled and stared into Jim's eyes. "Jim... oh Jim..." He said. "I couldn't give two shits if you didn't trust me. You trusted me enough to come down here and now look at ya. Talking out of yer ass and acting like a man. You know what, Jim, I'm gunna tell you the truth. Your family is dead. Andrew is the only one to survive. So you know what, you can stop looking for 'clues' and 'tools' 'cause you're not going to find a ******* thing. I'm just wondering how you're gunna get out of here. 'Cause I'll be DAMNED if I take a degenerate like you back to Heatsdale. So go on, don't trust me. Do I give a damn? No. But you're gunna wish you never said what you just said to me." Pete said. Pete turned around then slowly turned back towards Jim. "Jim, I bid my farewell to you and your 'partners' but before I go, I have two words for you." Pete said. Pete then punched Jim in the face so hard that Jim fell to the ground. "Good luck." Pete said. Pete laughed and left the restaurant.

[Andrew]

wow keep it comin man great job

[Corporal Hicks]

I still havent read it all from the first chaper you posted. But i can see that a lotta work has gone into this man good work man definently keep it up.

Oh oh....another suggestion. What i think you should do is make another thread for the story and only have that add updates in the thread and have this one for reviews. justa quick thought.

[EndZone]

Haven't updated in a while! That was Chapter 5 that i last posted. Im almost done with Chapter 10, but i'll post the next few chapters over the next day or days. I've been in a writers block for awhile. Anyway, i now have quite a few people interested in this story off the internet and wanna know what happens next. :D

Alright so here is Chapter 6. Enjoy and post feedback. :)

Quote

CHAPTER SIX

"My God, are you okay?!" Claire asked as she ran towards Jim. "My God, your nose is bleeding!" She said. "Yeah, I'm okay." Jim said as he coughed. Jim looked up to see Pete disappear into the dense fog. "Little son of a *****!" Jim shouted. Andrew and Claire helped Jim up. "Man, he nailed you!" Andrew said. Jim stared into Andrew's eyes. "Sorry, bro. I was just kidding." Andrew said. "Yeah, you seem to do that a lot, Andrew. That's all you ******* did when we were kids." Jim said angrily. "Sorry, man." Andrew said. "Jim, maybe you should sit down for a minute. I'll go look for ice for your nose." Claire said. Claire helped Jim walk towards a chair in the corner. "Okay just lean your head back and I'll go look for ice." Claire said. Andrew slowly approached Jim. "Yo man, I'm sorry." He said. Jim sighed. "I'm sorry too, Andrew. That was just my anger towards that son of a ***** Pete talking. I took it out on you and I'm sorry. But you do kid a bit too much, man." Jim said. "Yeah, that's just the way I am I guess." Andrew said. Claire came running out from the kitchen with a paper towel. "Okay I found a small ice pack and I wrapped it in a paper towel. Just hold this against your nostrils and keep pressure applied." Claire said. Jim took the paper towel and held it against his nose.

"Jim, what were you thinking anyway?" Claire said. "Pete was our only possible way out of here!" She continued. "Hey look, I'm sorry if I'm the bad guy now, but someone had to stand up to him. You were right all along, Claire. We should've never agreed to come here.... ****! I was just so damn set on coming here to hopefully come back home, see my damn family and figure out what's going on. I found Andrew, but nothing else. We didn't even really find any clues as to what the **** has been going on here." Jim said. "I'm sorry, guys, I was holding that anger in for too damn long and I just had to let it out. I was just so damn sick of Pete treating us like we were children!" He continued. "Compared to him, we kinda are, man." Andrew said. "That.... that doesn't matter. We're not kids. We're fully grown adults and we should be treated like that." Jim said. "And besides, it's not just that. He's been suspicious this whole damn trip. I mean, he avoided my question about his garbage bag and the elevator worked fine with him after crashing down to the basement. I mean, it's just been so god damn weird. And then he basically tells us we're lying and I just won't tolerate that anymore. I'm sorry, guys, I just had to let him have it." Jim continued.

Claire looked around the restaurant. "So now what do we do? We have no car and all you have is a knife. Where the hell do we go?" Claire said. Jim took the ice pack away from his nose. "Heh, son of a ***** made me bleed good. But ya know what? He didn't finish the job." He said. "Whatdya mean?" Andrew asked. "He couldn't have gotten too far, the fog is too dense to see much farther then putting your hands an arms-length in front of you." He said. "What are you saying....?" Andrew said. "You're not gunna chase after him...are you?" He continued. "No. I'm better then that. I'm better then HIM. But if I ever see him again, man oh man the things I'll do to that *******..." Jim said. "Alright, well there's really no point in staying in here." Jim said. "Well where should we go? Where could we go?" Claire asked. "I don't know. But we can't just sit here and do nothing." Jim replied. "The hell's that noise....?" Andrew said.  Jim looked up at Andrew. "What noise?" Jim said. "Shh, listen carefully..." Andrew replied. Suddenly, Jim and Claire heard static. "It sounds like it's coming from the hallway.." Jim said. Jim, Claire and Andrew ran into the hallway and the static got louder. Jim saw a door and opened it. It was an office, probably the office of the owner of the restaurant. Jim slowly walked in with Andrew and Claire as they saw a TV in the corner of the room.

It was full of static but every few seconds, the program that was on would appear. Jim looked closely at the TV and noticed it was a cartoon that was playing. Jim approached the desk. It was full of paper and debri, pens everywhere and Wite Out stained the corners of the desk. Jim sat down at the desk and tried to read the paper. "What's it say?" Claire asked. "It says.... uh..." Jim said as he squinted his eyes to read what seemed like a bunch of scribbles and doodles. "Murder last night, getting out of town, won't forget anything..." Jim read aloud. "At least I think that's what it says..." He said. Jim looked down and saw that the left and right sides of the desk had cabinets. Jim opened the left cabinets. He saw gum and scissors. He opened the right side of the desk and then was alerted to a sound behind the door on the right. Jim took out his knife and then slowly approached the door. Jim quickly opened the door and a body fell out. Claire gasped and grabbed Andrew. Andrew looked at the body was in shock. "Holy shit..." Jim said as he bent down and grabbed the body's throat. "No pulse.... GOD DAMNIT!" Jim shouted. Jim realized the corpse was missing three fingers on its left hand. "This is just ******* sick.... it's just sick!" He shouted. "We have got to find out what the hell's going on around this shithole of a town!" He shouted.

"Well maybe he's got something useful? Maybe he has an ID!" Claire said. Jim looked back at the corpse and reached into its pocket. Jim pulled out a wallet and opened it. He took out the ID card. "What's his name?" Claire asked. "I don't know, the name was crossed out.... but it says 'Sayersville Post Office' on the bottom..." Jim said. "So I guess that means he worked at the Post Office?" Andrew said. Jim looked at Andrew and chuckled. "Yes, Andrew, you got it." Jim replied. Andrew, Claire and Jim walked out of the paper-filled room and back into the main restaurant. They then walked out of the restaurant. "Man, I can't see anything." Andrew said. Jim looked around, trying to find where the road was. Jim looked down and saw a yellow line. "Guys, this must be the road." Jim said. "So?" Claire said. "Well we wanna get to the Post Office, right? We don't have any other leads, so we might as well follow the road." Jim said. "We don't even know where the Post Office is! And you haven't been here in 20 years!" Claire said. Claire looked at Andrew. "Do you know where the Post Office is?" She asked. "It's been a while since I went there, but yeah I think I know where it is. Only problem is, I have no clue where the hell we are right now. I've never seen that restaurant before in my life." Andrew replied.

"Shit..." Jim said. "Well, we're bound to get somewhere if we follow the road." Jim said. Claire and Andrew sighed but followed after Jim. Minutes into the walk, Jim saw a body on the ground. "Oh ****...." He said. Jim ran over to the body. All that was left was a torso and the head. "This guy got it good. Missing his arms and his god damn legs." He said. He looked around. "Who or what in the hell could do something like this...." He wondered aloud. Claire and Andrew walked over to Jim and checked out the body. Suddenly, they heard noise. Jim looked behind them and saw a shadow figure approaching them. The shadow approached more and more until Jim chuckled. "What the hell? It's a horse and buggy...." He said. "What the hell? Sayersville never had anything like this..." Andrew said. Jim stretched his arms out to try to tell the horse to stop. The horse then stopped in its tracks. Jim, Claire and Andrew got into the buggy and the horse started walking. "Seriously, man, things are starting to get really ****in' weird. I mean, a horse and buggy? Where in the HELL did this come from?" Andrew said. "I don't know, but hey, at least we don't have to walk now, eh?" Jim said. "I'm wondering if Pete left..." Claire said. "Man, forget about that son of a *****. As far as I'm concerned, he's dead. 'It' got him. Maybe Pete was better off just wandering into the dense fog and just getting it." Jim said.

Minutes later, Jim, Claire and Andrew quickly got off the buggy after spotting a big white building. Jim looked inside the windows and saw a trail of blood behind a desk. "Holy shit..." Jim said. "What?" Claire asked. Jim stepped back. "I think 'it' struck here." He responded. "Whatdya mean?" Andrew asked. Jim turned to Andrew and Claire. "There's a trail of blood behind one of the office desks." Jim said. Andrew looked into the window and saw the trail of blood. "Yup, 'it' definitely struck here." He said. Claire opened the door. "Guys, here'sthe entrance." She said. Jim, Andrew and Claire stepped inside. The walls were marked with blood stains. The blood was still drying. Jim felt the blood on the wall. "This blood isn't even completely dry yet." Jim said. "This must've happened recently." He continued. Claire looked at the blood. "Yeah, you're right. It's still slowly trickling down the wall." She said. Jim turned around to see a handful of bodies around the room. "Jesus Christ..." Jim said. "This guy sure knows what he's doing." Andrew said. Jim kneeled next to a body. He saw the body had a large laceration on the side of its abdomen, stretching up to the chest. "Whatever the hell the murderer is using, he knows how to do it well." Jim said as he reached into the laceration.

And i gotta say, Chapter 5 is my favorite thus far.

Edited by EndZone, 05 August 2006 - 11:28 PM.

[EndZone]

I lost some of you guys or what? I know it isn't great, but some feedback would be cool.

Oh and i forgot. Feel free to discuss the story. But no asking me what happens next. Its a mystery. ;)

Edited by EndZone, 08 August 2006 - 02:01 PM.